I cry in the shower to trick myself.

I’m the one in denial, no one else.

Water makes the tears disappear.

“It never happened, it was never there.”

I smile in public to trick myself.

I’m the one in denial, no one else.

People smile back with a nod or wave.

“I’m fine, I’m ok, I’m brave.”

I laugh in public to trick myself.

I’m the one in denial, no one else.

When everyone is laughing it’s hard to hear,

the sounds of panic and ALL my worst fears.

My mind showed me things that weren’t there.

Life to me just wasn’t fair.

I cried, I laughed and I smiled.

I tried to look normal on the inside.

In the end, I was only tricking myself.

I was in denial and never got help.