Tag Archives: feelings

Disappointed

01 Monday Mar 2021

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I thought I knew you.

The person who matched me- my person.

You said all the right things, but I still can’t help but think they were all lies…

 

It was perfect

Too perfect.

LOVE is not a word to just… “throw around”

Yet you did.

The first time it happened I didn’t know what to do with myself,

I was broken, upset, hurt, and wondering what I did wrong?

But then you came to your senses!

I forgave you.

You chose me!

Who is this person I have become- waiting to be chosen?

I lost myself, but it was okay because I gained you…

I trusted you.

I confided in you.

You knew my happy ending, but you also knew my worst fears.

You used all of it, every last drop.

You lost all my trust…

But,

I learned, I experienced

…I LOVED.

 

I’m not mad.

I’m not hurt.

I’m disappointed-

in You.

“in Denial”

16 Saturday Nov 2019

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I cry in the shower to trick myself.

I’m the one in denial, no one else.

Water makes the tears disappear.

“It never happened, it was never there.”

I smile in public to trick myself.

I’m the one in denial, no one else.

People smile back with a nod or wave.

“I’m fine, I’m ok, I’m brave.”

I laugh in public to trick myself.

I’m the one in denial, no one else.

When everyone is laughing it’s hard to hear,

the sounds of panic and ALL my worst fears.

My mind showed me things that weren’t there.

Life to me just wasn’t fair.

I cried, I laughed and I smiled.

I tried to look normal on the inside.

In the end, I was only tricking myself.

I was in denial and never got help.

Finally…

22 Friday Sep 2017

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Standards are high
Needing someone willing to try.

Too grown to be let down,
but also too grown to keep someone around.

Take over my mind,
Not my body or my life.

When I see the glass half empty,
Can you see it half full?

Love me,
But give me time.

Time to understand what love really is
Time to see what my hearts wants, so it can give.

I’m tired
Tired of myself.

I finally chose me, so give me some space
I’ll eventually learn to love, BUT at my own pace.

Unfortunate Circumstance

30 Sunday Oct 2016

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When you finally miss me i’ll be gone.

When you finally decide I’m worth it, I won’t be waiting.

My watch broke, because I stared at it too long.

Waiting…

I’m enough for me,
but there’s also plenty of fish in the sea.

Someone who is waiting and worthy of my wasted time.

“Wasted time is worse than wasted love”

Do me one last favor and don’t shed one tear-
You had your chance.
You no longer have me here-
You have created your own– unfortunate circumstance

Addiction

11 Thursday Feb 2016

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The mind is deep and dark, but so is the club
Lights, smoke, alcohol- feelings become a blur

Stress takes a back seat, when THAT song comes on
Music so loud, your head throbs, but what’s new?

Reality sets in… “thinking” is not an option
Questions with no answers, running through the mind

Is this what it takes to forget?
Is this my only option?

Mood changes. Go with the flow…

This is much needed, a brief moment…a break

Sweat, blurred vision, an instantaneous high

Addiction IS the drugs, the alcohol, the sex, the food, the work, the smoking, the shopping, the internet, the gambling, the video games…

Fulfilling YOUR addiction, the crave subsides
Addicted to that feeling… of not feeling at all.

-Fin