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thingsnotsaidoutloud

Tag Archives: life

Reverse the Cycle

20 Monday Jul 2015

Posted by lyssiepooh in Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

acceptance, calmdown, change, cycle, dreams, drunk, life, mind, people, random, reverse the cycle

Dripping with this Disease of Delusion.

Drunk and Disorderly.

Dysfunctional in every Decision.

Devious thoughts forming Deceitful behavior.

Deriving from your Dramatic personality, Draining your mind.

Deprived of any Doubt.

Damaged from years of Deception.

Dreary eyes cannot see the Distance.

Delirious now, you want a Do-over, too late!

Disaster is Diminishing Downward.

Deeper and Deeper.

Dying while falling Downhill.

 

Now it’s Dawn, you’re Dizzy, but you Decide to make things Different.

This Drifter, is now Driven.

Drawn to Dreams, never to Dread another Day.

An Obsession: What Anxiety Feels Like…

10 Friday Jul 2015

Posted by lyssiepooh in Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

anxiety, better, calmdown, choice, depression, different, family, feeling, feels, friends, grow, growingup, guide, hate, life

Stuck in your head
Feel like your dead

Staring into space
even though your mind is racing…

No one knows what’s wrong
all you know is it’s very strong

Locked up inside you
Choking you

You can’t breathe, but your mind is at ease now.

BREATHE….

Calm down
Walk around

It’s still there

All around
Everywhere

Can’t explain the feeling
What’s the meaning?

Not in control

of yourself
no one could help

Let me out of the box
with the locks

Hour by hour is just wasted
Amazing…
Can’t eat or sleep.

Restless, but stressless
Amazing, the feeling
of not being yourself

GET HELP!

Stay away from

Prozac and Valium
and hopefully in time it will pass

and at Last…

it’s over
your “Depression”
was just what it was, an Obsession.

Sing to Me

30 Tuesday Jun 2015

Posted by lyssiepooh in Life, poetry

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

backintheday, better, care, choice, die, eyes, life, love, mind, poem, random, Sing, weep, young

Sing to me,
like you did when I was young.

Sing to me,
like my life has just begun.

Sing to me,
with love in your eyes.

Sing to me,
without all the lies.

Sing to me,
so I can fall asleep.

Sing to me,
so I don’t hear you weep.

Sing to me,
like the song will never die.

Sing to me,
so I will not wake up and cry.

Sing to me,
and let’s pretend I have a choice.

Sing to me,
so I can hear your voice.

Sing to me,
like you really care.

Sing to me,
so I can still hear you there.

Sing to me,
like I know you can.

Sing to me,
because I will always be your number one fan.

Let Life Guide You (ABC Poem)

27 Saturday Jun 2015

Posted by lyssiepooh in poetry

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

ABCpoem, acceptance, boat, different, guide, life, love, metaphor, mind, random, sailing, uncertainty, you

A Boat Can Disappear,

Entering Forever, Gone, How?

In Jeopardy, Knowing, Loving Many.

Nobody’s Opposite Pain.

Quarries Rise,

Sailing Towards Uncertainty.

Violent Winds eXpand.

Years Zone.



Friends Will Always Need You…

15 Monday Jun 2015

Posted by lyssiepooh in Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

depression, friends, herself, life, mind, need, pain, random, stories, stress, toolate

Only time could tell…
How long more, before she fell?

What’s next?
It has already been five minutes after that shocking text.

What would happen to her dearest friend?
This is not how a life is supposed to end.

She constantly tries calling her phone,
But all she gets is the dial tone.

Should she wait until everything is settled?
No, now her foot is pushing harder on the gas pedal.

Faster and faster she goes…
What she will find next, not even she knows.

Flashbacks of happier times.
What would make her friend lose her mind?

Was all her advice just in vain?
Or did it help ease the pain?

Her friend is crying now…
No one is coming, she thinks to herself.
No one cares they don’t want to help.

Please God just end it already, I don’t want to suffer.
It’s was too late, she never heard the muffler.

She runs fast up the stairs…
Her friend closes her eyes and disappears.

Nothing or no one could fight back her tears.
It had come true, her worst fear.

No one could talk her out of the guilt that she felt,
If she had got there faster, she could have helped.

The next day was spent all in black.
She’s gone, the person, who once had her back.

The hole in the ground was deep, it had no end.
And it is now the resting place of her dearest friend.

“You will never know what you have, until it’s gone.”

Still Learning…

09 Tuesday Jun 2015

Posted by lyssiepooh in Life

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

childhood, different, family, friends, grow, growingup, how, insight, life, memories, mind, random, stories

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How can anybody make her pretend to be herself? Looking at people in the face today, she is her own person. But what about before?

BEFORE:

The quiet, not dancing little girl in the corner, insecure about herself…ALL THE TIME. Feeling like a plastic doll (not Barbie though, she’s too skinny.) Always doing what they wanted her to do.

Finally finding shelter with her close family and friends, her “sisters,” at least while all of their mind’s were innocent. Back then, it was so different, they were so different. She might even use the word inseparable to describe them. Never imagining that one day, they will separate and have their own minds, including herself. Some of them might even hate her, but they were there during those innocent childhood days and because of that, no matter where they go or what they do, she loves them, if anything, at least for that.

Who knew the friends she grew up with would all disappear? Her expectations of their friendships have never changed, even now… So naïve. A long time ago, they all made a “pact,” whenever there is a problem it’s fixable…their bond, forever intact, unbreakable. Her better halves, with no boundaries. Perfect right? As, she looks back at those days she realizes she no longer even sees or hears from those “friends.” Long story, short, they broke the pact.

Relationships can take a lifetime to make, but only a second to break. 

A NEW PERSPECTIVE:

Looking back, older, a better person with more experience, she should have seen it coming. Nothing stays the same. As much as she wants it to, nothing stays the same. We grow out of toys and clothes, why not relationships/ friendships? They too can get old. Everything for now, she sees is in a different light, but maybe she’s different and the light has always stayed the same. Her tolerance has grown thin, as she is older. She leaves little room for broken promises, high expectations and paths that go nowhere. She waits, for better things to come, ones that ARE worth it. At least she still believes they’re coming. She will be ready for the challenge. By herself, in her own mind, overthinking and overanalyzing, everything; she’s just not the same.

She is no longer the quiet, not dancing, little girl in the corner. She is the outspoken woman who sits in the center of everyone and she’s dancing…to her favorite song.

“Innocence Fades and People Go Away.”

The Only Apartment Building That Stood on Radford Street

01 Monday Jun 2015

Posted by lyssiepooh in Family, Stories

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

childhood, family, life, random, sad, stories, thoughts

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          Growing up in Yonkers, New York was a tough place for many people, but not for me. I had a great childhood and the support from all of my family. My absolute favorite place to go was Radford Street. At the end of the street stood a large brick structure that had something special about it and it was definitely unique in its own right. Most people would consider this run down apartment building to be just that, but for me it contained most of my life.

      Every Sunday when I was growing up, right after church, we would walk down the block towards the only apartment building that was located on the whole of Radford Street. Convenience played a major role in why my family was able to get together and spend time, right after church service. What also helped our getting together was my grandfather being the super for the building, so most of my family lived there anyway.

2C was the button that my brother and I constantly fought to push. Grandma and Grandpa lived in that apartment and were almost always home. Their voice over the intercom and the buzzing of the opening door, that was too heavy to push, sent an overwhelming feeling of adrenaline that always sent us speeding up to the second floor. Jumping up and down, we could never reach to press the doorbell, but it never occurred to us that the door was cracked open already, awaiting our arrival. The apartment always had the same smell, most often the food of our culture’s choice, curry and the same old school style that I didn’t really care for, but appreciated just the same. Red and gold colors filled every inch of the cozy home for two and because of its extreme warmth; you almost immediately stripped whatever extra clothes you had on just to stay cool.

Every time I visited, I acquired a routine that I never forgot. Shoes off, coat off and greet everyone, all seventeen uncles, aunts, and cousins, with either a kiss or a hug. Nowadays, children cannot live without television, but in that apartment we ate good food, played games and just enjoyed each others company. Since my uncle loved music and played the guitar and piano, we even sat down and made up songs that we then recorded. Being so young growing up in that apartment, it seemed as if going there was always like a mini vacation.

My cousins and I were really close. Our age differences didn’t vary too much, so we mostly shared the same interests. We did everything together, exploring the ins and outs of that entire apartment building. My grandfather, the super, even gave us a key to the apartment right across the hall, so we could have our own little hang out spot, until it was rented out. We as a family had so much fun in that apartment building, being together and doing things together, that it was part of our everyday lives. Who could have imagined that one day all of that happiness would quickly crumble and in a blink of an eye, everything would change.

My grandmother passed away and although an incident such as this should bring a family closer together, it tore us completely apart. It didn’t take long for everyone to realize she was the glue holding us together and in a way she was making us spend time together, all the while spending time with her. We eventually forced my grandfather out of the home he was familiar with for many years because he was no longer able to take care of himself. Apartment 2C in the building on Radford Street is vacant and rarely visited. Feelings that were once there are vague and sadly when driving, I unawarely pass the apartment building altogether.

Some of the last times, when I used to go to the apartment, either to collect some of my grandfather’s belongings or retrieve his mail, there are no emotions. No voice over the intercom, no buzzing door, no running upstairs, no smell, no color, no people and especially no life. Everyone is older and what once seemed so important, like being together and visiting that apartment, is now just a thing of the past, which no one seems to remember. The apartment and the building I once loved, which held my family together for all those years, is now filled with distant memories that are unfortunately almost all gone.

Unhappy Eyes

27 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by lyssiepooh in poetry

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

eyes, life, mind, neglect, random, satisfied, thoughts, unhappy

Unhappy Eyes, See the world for what it is.

To choose between our perception of right and wrong.

Fearing neglect and deception.

Loathing the satisfied.

Mirror images reflect darkness; Fooling the weak into something they think they see.

Only one life to live; not grasping it for what it’s worth.

Craving small acts of kindness; Living on the need to be needed.

Realizing it’s not what you expect, Creating an illusion of uncertainty.

Blank stares. Killing time.

Unfulfilled dreams, wasted on the imagination.

Someone always has it worse, and by believing this, we push through the day.

Dwelling on happier times; Suffocating ourselves with the past.

Letting go of expectations.

Learning to be alone.

Unhappy eyes, see unhappy things.

Unhappiness is what it will eventually bring.

First Post….

25 Monday May 2015

Posted by lyssiepooh in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

life, mind, random, stress, thoughts

Stressed,

Depressed,

and my Mind Can’t seem to Rest,

Every thing Always seems like a Mess,

but I must Confess, that I am truly Blessed,

Because I am Finally the Person that I Want to Be,

Life is purely a Test,

That We All will have to Face,

Because Dreams just don’t Happen,

It’s All about the Chase,

All of us Hoping and Praying we come in First Place,

and get a Taste of Satisfaction,

and Our Reaction will Hopefully be Bliss,

In the Future, we can Laugh and Reminisce,

about A Past that we Do Not Miss…..

~Alyssa Sukhraj

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